wacky blog..

Tuesday 26th January

Brrrrr!!! You should have seen me a few minutes after this photo was taken. What a weekend we had in Bled, neither of us won anything but taking part was a considerable achievement. Next stop Siberia...read all about our exploits by clicking here.

Yes, i know i look very stupid!

Sunday 17th January 2010 - world winter swimming championships, slovenia

5 days to go until i probably die in Lake Bled. Why am i, a very skinny guy with less fat than a Riveta, aiming to swim 25 metres in near frozen water? No idea, but training going well. Went into the river today for all of 10 seconds. Cold showers not much fun, plunging my head into bowl of iced water even less so (thats another 100 brain cells killed off), but at least high-tox diet of fried breakfasts, fried lunches and fried dinners going splendidly (Dr Atkins would be impressed). Still only put on about 1 kg but at least i'm enjoying my food. Now stepping up the Vodka intake to compete in the after race drinking sessions with the large contingent of Finns and Russians.

Thursday 22nd October - it's crazy golf time...

St Andrews, Augusta, the Moon…these are some of the toughest golf courses, but not even these bunker laden hells compare to the torment awaiting me and 107 other nutters with putters at the World Crazy Golf Championships this weekend. Windmills, lighthouses, deceiving slopes, bumps, ramps, puddles of water, more ramps, divots and waterwheels are some of the teasing hazards and obstacles at the Hastings mini and crazy golf centre. Fingers crossed that I don't manage the impossible and claim a lost ball on the crazy golf course, like I did in 2007 when my ball became irretrievably lodged inside the windmill. Embarrassing to say the least! This is my third attempt at the world title. The first two ended abysmally with a plethora of triple bogies and a severe shortage of aces. This year though my confidence is sky high. Plenty of practice, albeit on the kitchen floor, and my own cunningly designed putter to compete against the professionals. Nevertheless, towards the end of the second day, expect to see putters flying into the sea in frustration.

Tuesday 15th September - Rory and Paddy

Just heard on the grapevine that Rory McGrath and Paddy McGuinness (that well known comedy double act) are filming a second series of the Great British con, sorry Great British Adventure. Clog dancing, sheep herding...wooooa that is very crazy. We saw the pair attempt cheese rolling (were they in the downhill or uphill race?) and shin kicking (sorry Rory it wasn't morris dancing)and reckon we should replace the dynamic duo should they film a third series. After all we are genuinely British craziest couple and before anyone argues against me, would you really want to see Rory McGrath enter a nude run or Paddy McGuinness have a stab at the World Gurning title? I thought not.

Saturday 22nd August - man versus dog swimming race

Not exactly wacky, but last week i entered the Newlyn to Penzance Sea Swim (even crazy folk like me do the odd normal think now and again) and inadvertently ended up in a race aginst Bilbo, the lifeguard labrador. Bilbo's consummate doggy paddle(always quicker when a dog does it!) against my odd looking front crawl that would look more at home in the bog snorkelling championship. I beat Bilbo, but only just. Next year i bet Bilbo will fancy his chances.

Up next is the gravy wrestling. I've practised a few moves, ordered my costume, so all i need now is the appetite to drink loads of brown slop.

Thursday 20th August - lets get wacky nation on the bestselling book charts!!

Where are all the wacky events. I cannot wait for the August Bank Holiday, life is way too boring without something mad and crazy to do. On a sore point, no one is reviewing our book in the newspapers. If it's about celebritydom, sport or cricket, everyone wants to review it, but a book that can seriously damage your life and no one wants to know. And where else can you read about the art of clog cobbing? Well? Enough is enough, i wrote the book so i am going to review it right now:

'Fantastic. Buy it!'

There you go, the most authoritative and in depth opinion on the subject. Buy the book for yourself, buy it for your partner, buy it for your best friend, and their best friend, and your dog and cat, and anyones dog or cat. Buy it for everyone, because it's mean't for everyone!!! Let's get Wacky Nation on the top of the book charts and knock off those stupid chefs, daft rowers and the myriad biogs. The wacky strike back!

Wednesday 5th August

A few weeks until the Gravy Wrestling. Last year i dressed in a hula dress, with all the trimmings, and soon discovered the fragility of such a costume. A couple of minutes into my first bout, i had been trimmed down to a pair of Speedo's. Let's just say once my third bout arrived, the event had taken on a more dubious look. But this year, i intend to dress to last, maybe appearing as Big Daddy or Giant Haystacks.

Tuesday 4th August

Just got back from the 12 hour endurance lawn mower race in Sussex. Well, actually it turned out to be a 4 and a half hour race owing to a little bit too much mud and no grass. To make matters worse i had a doze at the wrong time and when i returned to the venue at 3am found the race track empty and the pit lane full of beer swigging mechanics and drivers, celebrating the abandonment in the style and vigour as if they had all won. I was disappointed by the notable absence of any push mowers racing and have vowed to return next year with my own team and hopefully some opposition in the Group 1 class. If anyone is interested in joining my team, has a spare mower or, instead, happy to make up the opposition, please get in touch.

Sunday 28th July - Bring back conger cuddling

Every July for 40 years, the Dorset town of Lyme Regis hosted probably the oddest game of skittles in the world. Nine humans stood at one end on a plinth, whilst the opposing team swung a dead Conger Eel towards them. But a few years ago, an animal activist (wrongly in our opinion) complained, on grounds of cruelty (the eel was already dead, or were they referring to the humans?), and the event is no more…that means no money for the RNLI charity and no fun for us.

We’re bidding to get the event restarted. If they refuse, then I’ll start a petition to close down all fish and chip shops on similar grounds of cruelty. If anything, a battered fish suffers more pain than a swinging dead eel. Go mad on Twitter, Facebook…let’s build up some momentum. Life’s too boring as it is without some killjoy making it even more dull. Are you with us? Whatever wil they ban next...Dog Tossing?

Sunday 14th June

Wow what a busy week, started with mass media attention on Wacky Nation's own UK Rock Paper Scissors Championships and we finished the weekend with the dreaded World Toe Wrestling Contest. The toe wrestling didn't bode to well when we discovered that broken toes are a common occurence. Luckily, we were both elimenated in the 1st round before we were overcome by the pungent aroma.

Thursday 4th June - been chained to the oven!!

I'm back!! I never imagined that I would find myself wearing an apron and up to my elbows and down to my knees in flour, but this week I have been preparing for the toughest test yet of my credentials to become wackiest person in the world, or should that be the craziest chef in the world? I’ve tried many eating contests, but is this one food contest that’s a pie too far even for me?.

The fig pie race is an age-old tradition in Cheshire, and is the highlight of the annual fig pie wakes. Competitors must first bake a fig pie to strict guidelines, before gathering at the top of a steep hill and in unison, rolling the pies down. Personally, I cannot think of anything more disagreeable than wasting a perfectly good pie, but after setting off smoke alarms all week, and using ingredients long past their use by date (and could probably be classed as explosives), I can safely say that I possess one pie that should never be eaten.

I won’t bore you all with the cooking calamities that befell me, except to say that I am now banned from using self raising flour or the rolling pin. Oh, and a tip for would be chefs in the future - never assume that a cup of flour in recipe terms means you can use your favourite on tea mug to measure the ingredients…I’ve never seen so much action in the oven before!

Anyway, the race itself is just 2 days away and the pie is under lock and key. Although I have no idea how my pie will roll, but whatever happens it WILL ROLL, no matter what, even if I need to attach stabilisers. I would even be tempted to smuggle a shop pie into the race, but annoyingly the winning pie – that’s the one that travels the furthest in the right direction – is subject to a visual inspection from the judges.

News on my pie adventures next week…

Friday 14th May - UK Rock Paper Scissors Championship

Wacky Nation are launching their first in a series of Wacky events this year at the Imperial Pub, Exeter with the support of CLIC Sargent and Weatherspoons.

Friday 17th April - We need a sponsor for the Wacky Championship.

The Wacky Championship will pit 10 of the maddest people on the planet against some of Britain's craziest contests. If you would like to be associated with this very unique idea please get in touch.

Sunday 12th April - World Egg Rolling Championships.

It was off to south devon for one of our best shots at becoming a world champion. Taking place on the 'hill over there', we arrived with big expectations. After all with my athletic physique and unintentional habit of falling down hills quickly, how could i fail? Well actually i wasn't good looking enough and about three feet too tall and displaying far too many chest hairs. Apparently only kids can enter and only the cutest entrant ever wins. God forbid some ugly child running over the finishing line in first place, only to be told by the official, 'Sorry, not cute enough, maybe next year if you lose the zits and gurn!' So back home we went, but we did manage to pinch a couple of easter eggs in the easter hunt - well we hate leaving empty handed.

Now our next task. We're trialing out various concoctions for the international worm charming contest in a few weeks. The worms in the garden don't know what's hit them. Some are wobbling around after too much of the vodka and gravy cocktail, and others look a bit under the weather unwisely heading for some of sal's cooking scraps - trust me even i don't go anywhere near her food! Sal's wondering where her favourite bottle of wine has disappeared...hmmmmm

Monday 6th April - Urgent appeal for Penny-farthing

Help, i need a Penny-farthing. Next year sees the Great Race return to these shores and i fancy my chances. If anyone has a penny-farthing they can loan to me for some much needed training please get in touch.

Wednesday 1st April – Slob Olympics

Wacky nation are delighted to announce their first ever wacky event – the Slob Olympics aka World Couch Potato Championships. Endorsed by the IFASS (and recognised by the BCPM), the Slob Olympics will offer the physically challenged and energy efficient a rare opportunity for global stardom, without lifting much more than a finger or toe.

Where else can you compete in Sofa Vaulting, the Reverse Limbo and the Three Piece Suite Hurdles. Yes, this may sound ridiculous, but we are wacky nation, and have already done things far madder and idiotic. In fact, some of the disciplines sound positively tame compared with Clog Cobbing and Conger Eel Cuddling.

If you consider yourself the consummate Couch Pomme de terre, an eschewer of etiquette and the antithesis of the modern athlete, please put yourself forward as a possible candidate, emailing the Wacky Nation team at wackynation@hotmail.com. Potential applicants should be over 18 (stone that is) and will need to demonstrate an ineptitude for exercise. Underweight entries will be penalised.

Speed, accuracy and strength will count for nothing, and may even count against you. Remember the Competition motto:

‘Slowest, Slouchiest, Laziest.’

Tuesday 31st March - PICK ME UP MAGAZINE. Out this Thursday with an interview with Britain's Craziest Couple...that us!!! Please do not laugh at the photographs.

Monday 30th March - World Pooh Sticks Championships PDF VERSION - Yesterday was the world pooh sticks championships. No, it’s not the smelliest contest in the world, but for those unfamiliar with the Winnie the Pooh stories, it's racing short twigs down the river, but without the bouncing.

'Throwing sticks into the river, that’s not wacky, that’s not even mildly zany', I hear you protest. Ahhh, but the wackiness comes not from the actual sport, but from the behaviour of the competitors. When was the last chance you could let yourself get excited about a twig? Behave like a deranged donkey, or put one over a cheeky young kid? It’s no cheese roll or clog cob, but it is certainly bonkers.

In a nutshell, it’s a knockout contest pitting six entrants with six average twigs and one river. Sticks are dropped, chucked or lobbed from a bridge and then everyone cheers their stick on to the finishing line, some 50 odd yards downstream. Success or failure is completely dependent on the forces of nature, and maybe spouting some dubious incantation. The winners proceed into the next round, the losers frown a lot, blame the river for not flowing properly, and in the case of the younger entrants, unleashing tearful eruptions, yelling out, ‘I hate Winnie the Pooh’ and then demanding consolation in the form of ice cream.

Many of the competitors arrive here with notions of glory, perhaps fine tuning their Pooh stick technique several weeks beforehand. Sadly, they were all in for a shock. To avoid arguments over who stands where, every Pooh stick has a designated spot on the bridge, determined by the colour. You simply get given a random stick and that’s that! Alas, even a lengthy perusal of the conditions, studying the ebb and flow, determining the wind speed and identifying potential obstacles in the river was all in vain. Winnie the Pooh would not approve.

I reluctantly accepted the blue stick, without any inside information. Walking away, I disconcertedly felt a few bumps and grooves on my stick, pondering how such poor aerodynamics could lose me crucial seconds. I refrained from a replacement, but my more devious side was momentarily tempted to swap it for a pine substitute, then grab a blue felt tip and up my chances. 'Hang on!', I muttered to myself, this is pooh sticks, not mountain bike bog snorkelling or nettle eating, where success depends on dodgy ploys and tactics more than luck.

Luckily my restraint was rewarded with a position close to the middle, sandwiched between an over-excited father, eager to show off his pooh stick racing acumen to his two children and on my left, a young boy, glancing nonchalantly in my direction, perhaps already decided that he's going to win. I attempted to elicit some last minute tips from my more youthful looking opponent who cockily declared, ‘you hold it like this, then you drop it like that.’ That easy eh?

Competitors are not supposed to cheat in any way which means everyone must 'drop' their stick into the river without any undue force or vigour. But everyone clambers for an early advantage as they prepare to drop their sticks; adults lean precariously over the rails, whilst children squat down to the lowest gap into the bridge. With a loud hoot, stick drops down towards the water. There’s a couple of suspicious false starts from impatient adults (me included), although a recall is somewhat improbable. I attempted Eeyore’s tip and let go in a ‘twitchy sort of way’, sadly there was no miraculous reaction upon hitting the water – just a small splash. I’m not even sure what a twitchy sort of way entails, but hope Eeyore would at least have been impressed with my efforts.

One over-zealous entrant sends their stick crashing into the bridge support before rebounding some 5 metres up the river, 'You hit the bridge!', exclaimed the young competitor’s father. The rest of us look on in glee as our sticks entered safely into the water. Everyone races to the other side of the bridge, peering over the rails in hopeful expectation, although my younger rival was uncertain in his movements, not sure whether he will ever see his stick again, so kept one eye back at the start, just in case his stick decided to float upstream (well, we are in Winnie the Pooh territory).

'I'm winning', shouted a smug child as the first stick emerged from under the bridge. Even then, there was a pause as none of the other sticks followed. It conjured up images of the sticks taking a break underneath. Suddenly, there was a Mexican chain of cheers and roars and all bar one of the sticks sailed through. 'Come on', 'you're gaining' and 'get a move on', shouted out the adults, the two other children in the race watched more tensely, barely able to tease a smile as their stick meandered downstream. Disaster struck the leader when the pooh stick found itself inadvertently in the slow lane and heading towards the bulrushes. It was now very open indeed, with the roars growing increasingly….. Red, then yellow, then red again, blue (yippee) took the lead; it was nip and tuck all the way. 'wheres' my stick, daddy?', shouted the unlucky owner whose poor start added an extra five metres to their race. Red again, yellow faded, blue took advantage, red fell behind, even a duck joined in for a moment. It was agony as the race unfolded in slow motion, nothing we could do but hope our stick catches the swiftest current. The whole bridge shook with excitement and tension, as fingernails began littering the floor of the bridge from copious nervous chewing.

Finally the sticks cross the line, but who had won? Moments later, the official at the finishing line shouted out 'Yellow', sending one child into raptures and another into disarray, the latter losing all belief in the power of Winnie the Pooh and was beyond commiseration. I can at least hold my head up high. I only managed third place in the first round, but at least I didn’t resort to any underhanded tactics, except for some extra force when the stick was dropped into the river. Then again, how could I have lived with myself had I beaten a four year old, who was now bouncing around the bridge shouting, ‘I won, I won, I won’. After the winner had taken his Prozac prescription I asked for some inside information for next year, but was greeted with a shrug of the shoulders and a blank stare…or maybe he was just embarrassed to explain it was actually Eeyore who spurred his stick on to victory!

Several hours later under the darkened skies, one or two pooh sticks finally squirmed free from the bulrushes, and floated the remaining few metres over the now non-existent finishing line, then slowly moving along the Thames all the way to London!

Tuesday 10th March - We need Eeyore for World Pooh Stick Championships

Wacky Nation hope to enter a team into the World Championships (see homepage for details), but we need two more bears or humans. I am not sure we can afford to hire Winnie the Pooh and friends, so if anyone else out there reckon they are a good pooh-sticker, please email us at wackynation@hotmail.com. You will need to be able to demonstrate your 'Twitchy' technique and help us win!

24th February 2009 - Great Spitalfields Pancake Race

Well, we're back on the road as we continue our quest for the world's wackiest contest, with license to behave like complete maniacs. It's been a slow and unlucky beginning to 2009; involved in a mass pile up in the mountain bike chariot race (I didn’t mean to swerve!) and then victim to a late withdrawal from Tough Guy. Well, to be honest, it wasn't exactly a withdrawal, more of an early refusal to enter in the first place. Who in their right mind, or even not right mind, would want to run through miles and miles of mud and cold water - we're Wacky Nation, not insane nation!

Click HERE for the rest of the article.

Tuesday 27th January - We need two tossers!

We have entered a team into the Great Spitalfields Pancake Race in London on Pancake Day (February 24th). Unfortunately, we need the services of 2 more people to join the Wacky Nation Team. You must be able to run and toss and generally look stupid, but we are keen on winning the first prize - an engraved frying pan. Please email us in you're interested. There will be a very small charitable donation required and the need to wear fancy dress.

Saturday 24th January - UK Cold Water Championships, Tooting Bec

Brrrrrrrrr....that was cccccccold!

11th January - World Mountain Bike Chariot Racing Championships, Wales

You never forget how to ride a bike…but you may have reservations when there are two bikes attached together and an oil drum containing a third team member tied at the back. Welcome to the World Mountain Bike Chariot Racing Championships - probably the longest World Championship title in the world. We arrived expecting an easy ride, but it was not simple as it sounded and practice definitely does not make perfect as we went everyway possible but forward, trying to get to grips with the contraption...

30th November - Pantomime Horse Grand National - 2 legs good - 4 legs useless!

James came 5th in the Pantomime Horse Grand National, held in Birmingham.

There were very few laughs as 30 funny looking horses raced around a short course in Birmingham.

The first fence was a lot trickier than we all first thought!!!

18th November - Mince Pie Eating Contest

Xmas came early for 30 competitors, who were champing at the bit in a bid to be the world’s greatest mince pie eater - although Father Christmas may have something to say about such claims. Each competitor stood in front of a plate of 40 delicious mince pies and had 10 minutes to scoff, scoff, scoff scoff. Ominously, extra large orange buckets lined up behind each contestant, which were not for any leftover mince pies! I managed 15 in 2007 and harboured high hopes for a top three placing. Unfortunately, my secret weapon – a tub of extra thick single cream - was spotted by an eagle-eyed official, and so, along with everyone else, I was left with only water to aid the swallowing process.

The contest itself was a ferocious battle as competitors stuffed their mouths silly, with pastry flying everywhere and mincemeat dribbling down their fronts. Within minutes, most of the competitors had already shown signs of fatigue and threatened to throw up. As for me, I was convinced that this year the pies contained even more pastry and less mincemeat. Perhaps the event should have been renamed the World Pastry Eating Contest. I barely masticated my way through seven before the hunger pains were replaced with more sickly intentions.

The runaway winner overcame the stodge factor and ended up pushing down an incredible 41 mince pies...just five short of the world record. As for me and everyone else? We all stood looking forlorn and very ill, teasingly eyeing up the orange buckets. Unsurprisingly, there were few requests for doggy bags.

17th November - James will be munching his way through lots and lots of yummy mince pies at the 'Big Eat' contest tomorrow at Wookey Hole in Somerset, aiming to beat his pathetic effort of 15 pies in 2007. Come down and cheer him on, but don't forget the sherry! For extra motivation, i am open to sponsorship bribes to get through even more mince pies for charity...just don't stand too close if you do.

9th November - It's all happening today. For the Londoners amongst you, don't forget to pick up a copy of the Metro on Monday, which features Britain's Craziest couple, thats us, and hopefully the new wife carrying champions.

9th November - We've just entered the Pantomine Horse Grand National (see Coming up). Unfortunately, the entry fee is £50 so if any nice, wealthy people are reading this and would like to sponsor us (it's for charity) please email us. You never know, if i win you will even get some publicity. Unfortunately i have four left hooves so have neigh chance winning.

9th November 2008 - Wife Carrying Contest, Herefordshire

If you've never before taken part in a contest in the rain, then you're lucky. The heavens poured down on several stupid couples ready to race 80 metres down the Herefordshire racecourse. Having had my whip banished by the officials as an unfair advantage, I was instead reliant on my ol so dulcet tones. With my trusty steed at the ready, we were off. We were off to a good start, bumping our way down the track, unfortunately I think I had chosen a donkey instead of a fiery colt and although we gallaped along at a rip roaring pace we were yet again saddled with second place. Later that day, several bemused horses attempted their own version of the race, but unsurprisingly failed to get to grips with the fireman's lift and ended up settling for a straighforward race over the jumps!

...I wasn't smiling for long!

October 2008 - World Conker Championships

What a weekend! With six wacky events taking place over the whole weekend, it was a tough call between competing for the Golden Spurtle (that’s Porridge Making, if you’re not Scottish), Pea Throwing and a game of conkers. In the end, my appetite lost out to some nut bashing in Northamptonshire…sounds painful!

The last time I played serious conkers was back at school, so understandably arrived with very low expectations. The format was a knockout contest with around 300 competitors. I adopted the side-smash tactic, mentioned in that indispensible guide to crazy sports, Wacky Nation (I must buy a copy). Unfortunately, my enthusiasm for power, compromised accuracy and I couldn’t hit the conker for nelly. However, I soon discovered the worse I played, the better I did, and before you could say stamps, I had eliminated a former Italian Champ (sorry Antonio), Robin Hood and some guy from Little Britain, whose sidekick was doing his best to put me off.
To the dismay of my opponents, their spot-on accuracy was also their downfall as each strike merely ended up cracking their own nut, causing many sad faces, as my own conker remained in bafflingly good condition. Once cracked, I merely had to bide my time for the coup de grace. Although I dreaded stalemate and then sudden death (where each player has nine more shots, with points awarded for every successful strike – which, at this rate, would certainly not favour me) as one opponent continued to fight with a tiny piece of the conker clinging to the lace, until it finally blew off when I sneezed. Though, there was one disadvantage of all this negative play; every time I missed, my own conker flew back and whacked the back of my hand.
Into the last 16 of the Championship, I finally met my match. A Mexican had obviously been practising, and walloped my conker with only his second strike. Moments after bowing out of the competition there was further misfortune as I walked straight into a tree trunk, receiving a spectacular bruise to my forehead, to add to my already throbbing knuckles. Who said that conkers was a safe sport…forget the safety goggles, next year it will be a suit of armour, or I may stick to cooking up some porridge – how dangerous can that be? Then again, last time I ate porridge, I almost choked on a lump.

October 2008 - Mascot Grand National, Huntingdon Racecourse

That's me, Hugo the Hound, right at the back of the pack...
Fun Dog Show, Draycott in the Clay - August 31st
Not a mad throwing contest or stupid race in sight as I was more than willing to take a back seat and watch a fanatastic fun dog show held at Draycott in the Clay Show (thanks to everyone I met). Sadly, we were unable to borrow a dog for the day, so as impartial observers we watched as terriers did battle with Labradors and Alsatians.
The Best Pair class challenged dog owners to prove in public that they resemble their canine companion. Most of the entrants were not too convincing (if only they held the dog show in Mid Devon) but there was one clear winner; a young girl sporting pink ribbons, complimenting her dog's floppy hears…very, very cute, though I am not sure who was more pleased to win. I was left to lament the missed opportunity of victory if only Sally (who is also a former gurning contestant no less) joined forces with a Czechoslovakian Wolfdog…they surely would have walked it to the top of the podium!
Click here dog show.docx for the rest of the article.

'now that is how you do couch potato...pass me my choco drops!'

27th August - We need a dog… We're hoping to enter the Best Pair in Show at Draycott in the Clay in Staffordshire this Sunday. It's a contest to see which owner and dog looks most alike.

Unfortunately, we don't have a dog, so we need to borrow one and pass it off as our own fluufy best friend. If anyone has a floppy haired terrior or perhaps a czechoslovakian wolfdog (for Sally!), please get in touch. Big ears essential! Or maybe a handsome looking labrador for moi?

Do you know a dog like this?

There's always the Best Couch Potato class if we're desperate!
August 2009 - World Tin Bath Championships and the World Gravy Wrestling Championships.
Oh dear...how did i end up here?

What a weekend!!! Went to the Isle of Man for the tin bath championships, and found out we had inadvertently timed our visit with the amateur TT races. Crossing the road was never so much fun - is this a new wacky event? My exploits in the tin bath racing were over within minutes as I barely left the start line when the tub took on water.
Two days later we were off to Bacup (is it Bake-up or Back-up?) in Lancashire for the messiest combat sport in the world, or 2nd messiest if you count sheep dip wrestling in wales, which is usually won by a farmer from Llandrindod Wells who likes to have the sheep still in there when he wrestles…mmmmm, think I'll stay up north. Gravy wrestling was not so laid back as tin bath racing and things were not looking up when many of the competitors arrived in karate or judo costumes. One guy was even dressed as a giant black pudding, then it realised it was Andy Holt, the organiser.
Click here gravy wrestling.docx for the rest of the article.

July 2008 - World Mountain Bike Bog Snorkelling/Drowning Championships
We were both excited at the prospect of a mountain bike then a bog snorkel….but not at the same time!!
Forget the Tour de France, the real action was taking place about 200 miles away in the middle of Wales in Llanwrtyd Wells (the smallest town in Britain apparently, but bizzaarly more than its fair share of nutters). The World Mountain Bike Bog Championships is probably the craziest event in the world and we both had our sights set on supremacy in the Tour de Farce, aiming to cycle unsafely into a 60 feet trench (without vaulting over the handlebars) and then pedalling (somehow) towards the end, turning around without losing the bike and heading back. Then there's the leaches, water scorpians and dead sheep to contend with, not forgetting the odd competitor from previous years who never made it out.

Snorkelling...not drowning
Most of the competitors were English and most of the spectators were Welsh…mmmm, is this an event devised by the locals to exact revenge on their English neighbours…we think so!
The early entrants struggled with the conditions, many forgetting they needed to insert the snorkel into the mouth as they suddenly dropped down a few feet into the bog and proceeded to drown. Despite encouragement from the crowd, many laboured on in obvious distress but managing to complete the course in a commendable four minutes.
Sal was up after lunch and soon found herself embedded into the bank as she took a wrong turn early on. Back on the bike she heroically pedalled to the end, discovering that her five foot four frame was a definite disadvantage as she cycled into six foot deep water and spectators could only see a floating cycle helmet making its way along. At the turning point she forgets to take the bike with her and promptly spent precious seconds trying to retrieve it off the bottom. Back on her way she made the end in 4 minutes 32, and 1 second off the leader…yet again missing out on the world championship. There were further woes for Sal when she realised she misplaced the weight belt as she left the bog, and was ordered back in to find it again.
Back with the men, Dan the Underpant man was next, yes he actually wore a very fetching pair of undies (Dan, you could have given them a wash first though!) whizzed around the course in the fastest time, proving that the less you wear the faster you move, or maybe the emba
rrassment spurred him on. His undies actually came out of the bog cleaner!
I was the penultimate entrant, and dressed in a slightly less revolting pair of orange Speedos I completed the course in a rapid 1 minute 24, placing me in third place overall and a chance of global recognition.



Bamb looking very..ridiculous!
Alas, a comedian from Bolton somehow posted a faster time (was he pedalling or walking?) and pushed me off the podium, although I reckon because he wore a full wetsuit he should have been disqualified for being a big girl’s blouse. At least I can claim the honour of displaying the most goose bumps at the end.
So near..yet so far from World Champion Status...maybe next year.
Grand National Sheepstakes - April 2008
We’re determined to get a good photograph so we have arrived 30 minutes early to secure a good spot, well that and the fact that Anne said that there would be champagne in the VIP’s Tattersall’s enclosure. I was supposed to dress up, but the sun’s gone in and the winds quite cool, so I settled on a skirt and Wacky Nation t-shirt – classy.

I didn’t know which sheep to bet on, but I was encouraged to choose Red Ram, now I wish I hadn’t because I think I’ve been conned by Honest John, the dishonest bookmaker. Still I’ve got faith in Red Ram, he won yesterday and is joint favourite, so I’m told. As the race starts, I crane my neck to see if Red Ram is winning at Shepherd’s Brook, it’s too close to tell as they round Bo Peep’s Bend into the home straight, the crowd are all screaming aloud the name of their favourite sheep. No-one falls at the first or second fence and it’s over the last fence and a dash for the line. It’s a close call but Woolly Jumper narrowly wins in a blistering 15 seconds and I was told she always came last - puh

World Pooh Sticks Championships – March 2008

Pooh, Christopher Robin and Piglet enjoyed nothing better than a trip to the river for a game of Pooh Sticks. I’m guessing some children never grow up because I am surrounded not only by children, but also adults just as eager to become the World Champion.

We all stand in a line our arms outstretched, one eagle eye watching our nearby competitors to make sure they don’t cheat, listening for the off. No-one waits for their stick to reach the water, we are all already racing to the other side of the bridge, faces scanning the water flow to see if our stick emerges first, by some sheer fluke mine edges into the lead, I’m cheering my stick like I’ve got a million pounds bet riding on the outcome. The pink stick edges closer and I instinctively stand willing my blue stick to go faster. With one final glide my stick edges under the finish line and I yell out a roar of triumph. I am a winner. Well the first round anyway!

Wimborne Pancake Race – February 2008

More races than you can flip a frying pan at! Wow far too many pancakes falling on the floor for my liking, isn't the pancake sacred anymore. In my day it was supposed to be for eating, but here in Wimbourne they seem to have turned pancake day into a sport, running around the cathedral and tossing the pancake in any number of races from the very young up to the very old (and the very stupid) - it's just tough that it is making me feel hungry. I'd love to take part its just that I am scared that I will end up eating my pancake, somehow I think I might just get found out.at the end! Well here goes nothing - toss on".

Wacky Nation

the ultimate online guide to crazy sports, weird world championships & absurd traditions around the world

...I wasn't smiling for long!

October 2008 - World Conker Championships

That's me, Hugo the Hound, right at the back of the pack...

Fun Dog Show, Draycott in the Clay - August 31st

Click here dog show.docx for the rest of the article.

'now that is how you do couch potato...pass me my choco drops!'

Do you know a dog like this?

There's always the Best Couch Potato class if we're desperate!

Oh dear...how did i end up here?

Click here gravy wrestling.docx for the rest of the article.

July 2008 - World Mountain Bike Bog Snorkelling/Drowning Championships

We were both excited at the prospect of a mountain bike then a bog snorkel….but not at the same time!!

Snorkelling...not drowning

Most of the competitors were English and most of the spectators were Welsh…mmmm, is this an event devised by the locals to exact revenge on their English neighbours…we think so!

I was the penultimate entrant, and dressed in a slightly less revolting pair of orange Speedos I completed the course in a rapid 1 minute 24, placing me in third place overall and a chance of global recognition.

Bamb looking very..ridiculous!

So near..yet so far from World Champion Status...maybe next year.

Grand National Sheepstakes - April 2008